Nisarga

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  • Two month old signing milk?

    Okay, its likely that I’m over reacting, but twice (for sure, and once unsure) since yesterday evening, we’ve seen Nisarg opening and closing his fist deliberately – the sign for milk. Both times I responded by offering to feed him, and he was hungry and fed well.

    I show him the baby signing time video often because its bright and has music and stuff. He enjoys the music, and watches on and off. I had never thought he was paying attention. Perhaps he isn’t. I also do the sign for milk while I’m feeding him. That is something he definitely notices, as he is always looking intently at me as he feeds. I think he has realized that the sign for milk is accompanied by or followed by a feed.

    Now, the question is if this is a coincidence or deliberate?

    Everything I’ve read about baby sign language indicates that babies don’t start signing till they are 6 months old, as they don’t have that kind of coordination till then. On the other hand, Nisarg is definitely opening and closing his hands when he is hungry. It is not a very proper opening and closing – more like an uncurling of his fingers and curling back – neither does he make a proper fist, nor does he make his fingers completely straight.

    It is quite likely that I’m imagining things.

    On the other hand, a friend who runs a developmental toys library made an insightful comment when I told her about Nisarg letting me know when he wants to pee. She said, “They are telling us a great many things all through. It is about how observant and intuitive we are.” She thought it was a sign of my sensitivity and attention that I picked up his cues and we had a day without wetting a single diaper.

    So I like to think that Nisarg is making the sign for milk. Whether he is actually trying to tell me, or simply hungry and remembers that sign as associated with feeding, I don’t know. He does it quite absently, like he is when he is talking to himself. As opposed to when he coos to us. So I think maybe he remembers the sign when he is hungry, without actually signing for us as such.

    I’ll try to shoot a video and post it here, and you guys can tell me what you think.

    Update: I tried this time when he did it, and he got distracted and started interacting with me…. So no go. Will try again when he does it.

  • Caring for gassy infant – How to treat gas in infant

    Here’s some tips on caring for gassy infants born from my trial by fire:

    1. At the FIRST sign of gas – crying, squirming, passing very little gas after a lot of action… use neopeptine. I’d say, when in doubt, use neopeptine too.
    2. Comfort baby. Cuddle in fetal position. This brings legs closer to stomach and naturally helps pass gas, while making the baby feel secure.
    3. Feed baby. Babies tend to have bowel movements (or attempts) when feeding. The feeding comforts as well as helps them move the gas along.
    4. Put some massage oil (coconut oil should be fine) on your hands and rub the tummy gently. G-e-n-t-l-y. You are not trying to squeeze the gas out. Just soothe and encourage movement.
    5. Move the baby a lot. The squirming that is tiring your baby out is basically the baby moving to help pass gas. You can be a huge help to baby here. Rock, swing, exercise legs in bicycling motions, hold legs up like for a diaper change….. keep changing positions. The baby will not settle till the gas passes, so a position change is only temporary relief. Don’t let the infant get all worked up when it loses its effectiveness, move to a different position.
    6. Of course, when a position soothes baby, hold it for longer, or move to something else quickly.
    7. The end of the baby that gas is expected to exit has to be higher. Gas rises, remember? So, if your baby is moving his head restlessly, rocking back and forth, etc, hold him vertical, pat back, encourage burp. If he is squirming the whole body, drawing up legs and kicking them out, etc. Put horizontal and raise legs, cuddle in cradle hold, lightly rub small circles on lower back, etc.
    These are things to do while your baby is suffering. If you are breastfeeding your infant, it might help to look into fore-milk hind-milk imbalance or lactose overload (NOT lactose intolerance), which I have written about earlier.

  • Brillkids – does it work?

    early learningRecently, a friend asked me about my fascination with the Brillkids softwares. Does it actually work? They ARE very expensive!

    The way I look at this is that the Brillkids softwares – both Little Reader and Little Math are tools. How effective they are depends on how well you use them. A committed parent could get more results out of chart paper and marker pens than one who gives up with the Brillkids Little Learner (as they are collectively called).

    That said, they are infinitely better than that chart paper and much more convenient than flashcard sets. I’m trying to use flash cards with Nisarg and discovering that it is definitely a skill that takes serious honing. Take for example teaching him about family. What I’m doing is with many members of the family, but for the purposes of this example, lets take just Raka, me and Nisarg.

    This resulted in 6 two sided picture and word flash cards. Mother, father and Nisarg in two languages and photos on the other side. Now, this still leaves space for Vidyut, Raka and baby, but that’s more cards. Close relatives I’d like him to learn are at least grandparents, uncle and aunts. Its a logistical nightmare to have physical cards, not to mention learning to flash them at a speed fast enough to lead to effective right brain learning.

    That takes me to power point slideshows. At least Mistakes can be corrected painlessly. More than that, I can copy paste stuff to create the slide shows. With the addition of the Open Cards extension, I can flash them quite well too. Much better. There are several slideshows I can download, and creating new ones is easy enough. I can add sound files, so that anyone can show Nisarg his cards without worrying about what to say, when to flip and so on.

    The next stage in this journey is the Little Reader. I can add several audio files for a word, several images. So that each time it says Mother, it can speak in a different voice – Raka’s, my mother-in-law’s, mine… and show different photos of me. Entertaining and holds his interest and can be set up really fast for the variety it outputs. Not to mention that I don’t need to create a thing to teach him body parts (for example). The community shares files. I can benefit from someone else’s efforts as others can benefit frommine. 10 people can teach kids 10 things for the effort of one. Plus I can add videos, create playlists and there are even lesson plans that I can simply play directly, when I don’t have the time to invest in planning all that.

    I have ended up discovering stuff on some subject by downloading a file for Nisarg.

    I am a busy person. This kind of quality and ease of use makes it far more interesting and sustainable in the long term for me.

    As for Little Math…. Beats flashcards a million times over. You have to have used the physical number cards to know how awkward they are to handle, let alone “flash”, major learning curve and not particularly exciting for me. Creating cards or powerpoints with quantities to 100….. forget it.

    Powerpoint is still good if you can lay your hands on some of the ready files for 100 numbers. Of course Open Cards flashes them for you. If you want to show random cards….. Numbers and dots mixed…. or anything different, you first gotta hunt a file for it, unless you have the patience to create it yourself. In which case, Pleeeease send me a copy?

    And Little Math? Hold on to your seat. Show dots, images, customize to use pink panthers and blue trucks, or whatever your child enjoys watching in the place of dots. Show in sequence, randomize, with audio, placed random or in grids, ….. and I haven’t even started talking about equations and fractions and stuff.

    So? Does it work? Works for me!

  • Infant ear pain

    Another nightmare night.

    Nisarg started fussing around bedtime and crying on and off. By 1am, he was crying full blown out. Screaming wails, hiccups, gasps, chokes, scary breathless sounds, constant screaming interspersed with exhausted and restless dozes he came out of within a couple of minutes.

    I was scared. I woke up Raka around 4am feeling really scared, and the two of us spent another hour of the night feeling helpless, soothing, begging, bribing, whatever, but no go. By 5am, he was so tuckered out that he slept fitfully, sobbing at times in his sleep and waking up screaming if we put him down. So I held him, staring at that dear face with the swollen eyes, listening anguished to those slight sobs and gasps that continued as he slept.

    Since he also was farting, I assumed it was a really bad case of gas.

    By 6am, he was gone enough that he didn’t stir when I put him down, and I had a nap myself.

    He woke up around 8am hungry, and slept through his feed and I put him back down. It was when he woke up screaming again at 11am that we got really scared and went to the doctor. The doctor thinks it might be his ear hurting him, since moving his head makes him cry more. She gave us something for it – Atarax drops. We are supposed to give 10 drops half an hour after Neopeptine for today, and without the Neopeptin for two more days. I guess we are covering our bases whether its ear pain or gas.

    I think its gas because he passes wind when he cries and calms for a bit…. but then, is the wind passing from his straining when he cries, or is he crying because of it? Who knows? Its a chicken or egg thing.

    Its such a horrible, horrible thing to see him in pain and not even be sure of what’s causing it.

    He was crying again in the afternoon for a bit and then I think the medicine took hold. He’s sleeping as I write this. Totally deep sleep. This is crazy and not at all how I imagined being a mom to be. I’m willing to slay dragons and sacrifice whatever it takes for this guy, but hey, where is the dragon and what exactly is needed? No one told me it was such a tormenting guessing game!

  • Baby massage – Research and Tradition

    If you live in India and also learn about best practices from the net/books/doctor, its likely that you have the most conflicting opinions when it comes to baby massage and its tough to find out what to do.

    This is a list of my conflicts and current decisions:
    1. Smoke, kajal, powder, etc: Doctors say that the old practice of “dhuri” for the baby is not a good idea. In fact, lady from the free breastfeeding lectures by Breastfeeding Promotion Network of India goes ahead and says bluntly, “Its the woman who has given birth, not the baby. If you have such a strong belief that the warmth of the smoke creats strength, do what you want with the mother, but get the baby out of the room and away from the smoke.” Kajal carries risk of infection, may have traces of lead and can block the tiny tear ducts. Powder can get into a baby’s lungs and as such must not be used anywhere other than the diaper area if you must. No brainer there. I follow these guidelines and let the old women mutter about “today’s people”. That goes for oil in the ear, nose or any orifice.
    2. Straightening legs: Its common practice in India to stretch the baby’s legs out to strengthen them. Fact is that the baby will “unfurl” in three months or so anyway. The fetal position is not something they can switch off at birth, and it brings them security, conserves energy and is actually quite a good thing. I tell the massage woman not to use force, and if the baby cries, then that is the end of whatever she is doing, and she must move to the next thing. It goes against her every idea of doing the best she can for the baby, so I really have to watch like a hawk on this and bluntly tell her that it is enough of something if the baby complains. And mostly he doesn’t.
    3. Oil on the scalp: The fontanelle needs to be oiled to be closed is a common belief. Actually, like a cold lasts for a week or seven days depending on if you take medicine, the fontanelle will close approximately in two years or twenty four months depending on whether you oil it or not 😀 Pressure on the soft part is a bad thing. However, soft touch on the scalp is soothing, so I go by whether the baby seems to like it that day or not.
    4. Exercise: The massage woman gently moves the baby’s limbs to exercise him. This is great and Nisarg loves it most days. When he doesn’t we don’t do it, because if he is jerking in resistance, I imagine it will do more harm than good.
    5. Swaddling: A typical baby massage and bath will be followed by swaddling as sure as the sky is blue. The baby seems to enjoy it and sleeps soundly, so its great. However, this swaddling is typically done very tight, which can cause hip dysplasia in the baby. What I do is ensure that the baby is open and free most of the time, and loosen the swaddling when the woman goes.
    6. Hair removal: The massage woman has talked herself hoarse in one ear with the mother in law in the other – the baby hair on his forehead must be removed, or he will turn into an ugly, hairy grown up. Needless to say, they talk, I listen, and do nothing in that direction. If hair removal were such a great idea, we’d encourage our four year old daughters to get their eyebrows trimmed. Hair removed will grow again, and any changes in appearance are cosmetic till the hair falls out on its own. If it were a permanent solution, there would be no need for permanent hair removal ads for grown ups. We’d all DIY at home.
    7. Oil for baby massage: Okay, this is a big one. Doctors tell you to go with coconut oil. The massage woman will recommend edible oils but use whatever you provide. Fancy friends will insist that olive oil is the thing (a status thing, since olive oil is a “good”, exotic and expensive oil and no “commoners” in India have even heard of olives). Others would recommend Johnsons baby oil. Here’s what I found. Doctors and tradition solidly of the same opinion, and backed by my experience of the baby. Coconut oil wins hands down. Excellent for the skin, inexpensive, no undesirable reactions on the skin…. Olive oil caused rashes on Nisarg – for whatever reason. Johnson’s baby oil is a liquid paraffin based oil. NOT a good idea for massage, though I guess its fine for applying on the skin to keep it from drying. There have been many instances of skin rashes from this oil among people I know, online and people the massage woman knows. I have yet to hear of anyone regretting using coconut oil on a child. I have heard that almond oil is good too. A pediatrician friend said, “Don’t create such a production out of it. Use your mother-in-law’s coconut oil, almond oil, or cooking oil from the kitchen. If something creates a rash, discontinue it.”
    So, what are your experiences with advice based on research, tradition and social opinions? How do you manage? What choices do you make?

  • Tips to help baby crawl

    Okay, so your baby is still not crawling. Maybe he’s 5 months old, or just born….. we are all eager to see them crawl.

    Okay, the first thing to realize is that a newborn put on the mother’s stomach will crawl up to suckle (often, if not mostly). So crawling is not that big a difficulty. However, if you are talking about crawling to actually get somewhere significant…. you’re going to soon wish he was getting into less things, but hey, here are some tips anyway.
    1. Put baby on stomach when awake. Really, there is no such thing as too much. Reassure, comfort, pick up, whatever, but if you’re putting the baby down awake, its the stomach that must be down. Really, a baby on the back is rather like a turtle on its shell. How will any crawling happen? Its definitely a learning by doing thing, and doing needs opportunity.
    2. Be excited about it: Be thrilled by the fact that baby is on the stomach. Praise, laugh, get all thrilled, and chances are that baby will think its a good thing after all. A great tool if the baby is still undecided about how this stomach thing is.
    3. Join your baby. On the floor. Yep. Go ahead, crawl yourself, and he may get some ideas.
    4. Use toys and stuff. Your baby may not even seem to notice them, but they have. Babies are smart and quite curious about stuff. He may not seem to show interest initially, but leave him quiet for a bit, and he’ll get all curious about the toy and want to get it. This needs crawling of course.
    5. Acknowledge efforts. Really, praise everything, even if baby has feet in the air. If he feels good about trying rather than feeling burdned by expectations he doesn’t understand, chances are that he’s going to want to spend time investigating this new experience.
    6. Interpret – interpret everything as success.. If baby waves hands and feet, he’s going to end up moving in some direction or the other – fabulous. Cheer!
    Use firm surfaces. A soft fluffy something is only going to bunch and absorb all baby’s efforts and discourage him.
    Leave arms and feet (particularly) bare and cover torso. This will give more grip to the parts that will push, and more slipperiness to the parts that will slide and make movement easier. Basically, what we are doing is simply creating an opportunity for the baby to discover that moving his limbs on the floor ends up moving his body. Once he gets that, start reorganizing your home to get rid of all baby-non-proof things at floor level…..

  • Mother development

    I used to think of myself as a pretty self aware person. And sure, to a great extent, I am. But then, the self is like an onion the more layers you peel off, the tastier the core remains.

    Nisarg is throwing me into a new learning curve as a person. It is impossible to have masks with infants. They operate on such a primitive level, that they simply don’t comprehend the masks. I may talk of patience and being there for him at 4am in the morning, but he knows what I will never verbalize – sleep, damnit!

    Needless to say, it doesn’t work. Then, as my impatience shows through, he gets agitated. Eventually, exhausted, I’m beyond impatience, and what he sees is what he gets. A limp, sleepy mom. And suddenly sleep sounds like a good idea to him too.

    Approaching the same situaiton in another way, I could say that my moods transfer to him. If I’m tense, I will never be able to get him to relax. If I’m waiting for him to sleep, he’s waiting right along with me…..

    I may talk baby talk with him, but when I enjoy myself, I get gummy grins. When I’m just talking to “make him quiet” I get hurt and puzzled looks as he shreds my heart by looking into my eyes when he cries.

    Many inexplicable situations later, I’m slowly starting to question the honesty of my behaviour. Sure. I’m honest to some extent. But what is the real issue? What are my feelings for my son that I disown because they are not “appropriate”?

    This reminds me of some comments I got on my poem “What you see is what you get” on facebook and in my emails. The essence is:

    A child gives birth to a mother.

    The teacher comes as the humble student.

    I think it is important that I remember that juust because I happened to be born earlier doesn’t mean that I know it all. Just because he is dependent on me doesn’t mean that the vast learnings he brings me are to be less respected than the most insightful guru around. Just because he isn’t a famous guru doesn’t mean that he is any less effective in transforming my life.

    Its incredible how when I strip off all the facades, resign myself to the demise of all pretences and embrace the joy of simply being; how much joy I am able to spread. How much caring I am able to convey. How much support I am able to contribute…. How much MORE I am, just because a pint size teacher chose to be naked and embrace life with open arms.

  • Baby Signing Time

    Okay, so I’m on a roll with educational resources for babies. Another absolutely awesome resource dropped into my lap last week. A friend with a grown up baby gave me the first episode of – Its Baby Signing Time!

    The idea being that babies develop an awareness about their needs and desires long before they are able to express them. Thus, babies often cry out of frustration, because they are unable to get their needs met.

    Teaching them the baby (read very basic) version of sign language empowers them to communicate more fluently with you, thus removing much of the stress of guesswork for both of you.

    There is an additional bonus – research shows that children who gesture a lot learn to speak early and develop better mental abilities.

    There are supposed to be four episodes, though I’ve seen only one. What we saw, we liked. Nisarg was entranced with the lively music and bright colours. I was entranced with how clearly and charmingly the whole thing has been created. Its literally lessons on sign language woven with music, words, and plenty of practice time. I had never imagined that learning could look so much like a fun video. Nisarg doesn’t understand anything at all, but approves anyway, if his stare and waving limbs are to go by.

    He’s still young, but in a month or so, I guess we’ll have all the episodes.

    Really, sign language is not just for deaf and dumb children, but for all children who are not able to speak – babies qualify.

  • The torment of (in)decision

    How does one go on fighting against all odds? How does one keep struggling to keep a family afloat, when no one else seems to care? How can a man look at his own flesh and blood child and keep coming home drunk? Where does a woman draw the line between giving up too easily and walking away while she can?

    What does a mother answer a child curious about a father distanced because of her decisions? What does a mother answer a father about their child she’s taking away?
    The world is a cruel place. There are many who would like to listen to your woes and gleefully prescribe how things should be. And no “solution” fits the problem.
    I’m going through a bad, bad time. Pressured on every front there is – relationships, money, responsibility, scarcity….. Naturally, since its me, it follows that the one place where me having a problem would have an easy answer has no problem. The joy of my life is Nisarg. I feel just peachy to be a mom. Other problems that were already huge before this little guy came are now overwhelming.
    There are no easy answers. No one to support me if I walk away from my family, and no one to support the family financially if I walk away. The sorrow is that the only thing to crash in my absence would be the finances. Shows how used I allowed myself to be.
    Now, I have a little one to think of. Safety, relationships, life…. I have made the choices that bring me here. He hasn’t. How do I go on so that he doesn’t suffer for mine?

  • My little sunflower

    Just warms my heart to see,

    This tiny piece of me
    Full of smiles and coos
    He has nothing to loose
    As he follows me around with his eyes
    When out of sight, he calls with cries
    For he is my little sunflower,
    And I’m his mother